i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
