So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
