somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
