Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
