I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize