Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
