we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
