if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
