party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
