so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
