One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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