I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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