Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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