i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
