i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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