puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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