we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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