NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
