if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
