Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
