my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
