i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
