I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
