If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
