Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
