if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
