i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I will pee on everything he values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
why is half of my head shaved?
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