i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
