ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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