It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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