i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Text me some of your sweat
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
