At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
