You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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