remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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