I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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