proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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