so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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