We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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