oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
