Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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