you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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