i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
