i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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