Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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