Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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