His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
