so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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