I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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