forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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