I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
