You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
