this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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