i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
