No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
