Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
