No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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