you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
