considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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