His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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