I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
