At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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